December 29, 2006
6:30 PM
Dear James,
Greetings!
See, I am writing this on my bluest blue Christmas. This is really crazy, I am going extremely crazy. I am not okay, and I know I will never be.
Maybe at this point you are quite puzzled as why I am writing you a letter, a love letter at that. At the first place, I should have not written you a love letter because, for guys, it is bit awkward to let off feelings to each other. We are expected to be less emotional on touchy matters like this. This is where I am going- I should inform you about this before it explodes like a grenade. I can no longer anticipate that we, somehow, somewhere, could talk personally, just the two of us, one of these days.
I am going to be open here. I have to aware you that I love your sister! Now you know why you, among all of the people of the world, are the one that I have consulted my feelings because I believe that, perhaps, you can understand me and you are the nearest person I know to the person nearest to my heart. I tell you, I have never been in love this way before, I swear. I am deeply in love with your sister, even if I have to reiterate and emphasize it zillion times to prove that it is true, believe me.
I admit, I am not supposed to love someone like her because she only treats me as a friend, no more, no less. It is heartbreaking. I tried to court her privately(like other suitors do) three times. It is unnatural for me to court a girl several times because, basically, I don’t force girls to love me. When she says no, that’s the cue for me to forget her(partially, I mean that damn feelings to her) and find another gal. But not in your sister’s case. I managed to approach her three times and it was no success. Before I forget, unfortunately, I just told her my feelings through text which, you might think,is a piece of heck. I am brave but to no avail she did not allow me to talk to her personally about my feelings to clear everything. I know she is an “ate” to me and she has gained more wisdom than me and I should respect her decision that I don’t have to clear everything because messages decoded through text messaging and one-on-one conversations are the same.
I will be sharing you two of the many things about my life as a teenager. One, I did not have any girlfriend or even a girl to date with(which makes my schooling a boring place). And two, I used to cry, either in private or in public. A common thing with this two is that it is more likely to happen again at my current state. But I would like to stress the second mentioned. It is not a sin nor a crime to cry. That is why those tears are still dripping down my cheeks in the comfort of my pillow, blanket and bedsheet. Why? Because of her. As I was writing this note, a tear fell. As far as I could remember, I cried before because of a girl during my elementary years. But it was puppy love.What I feel towards your sister is somewhat like different from the other emotions I felt since I was born, more of an infatutation and less of a desire.
Three nights ago, after we had gone to watch a movie, I intentionally dropped out of the jeep we were riding, not because I JUST have to visit a friend but, merely, because I can not really bear that night that heavy feeling inside. That is why I have to consult I friend.
After talking to her that night, she even challenged me with a question: are you really in love? I answered yes.
Believe me, there is no minute in a day that I cannot think of her. I wrote also several literary pieces for her. I want to text her all the time, evn during my classes(basta dili lang masakpan). And I even attempted to create a song dedicated to her. You know what, I did not have the courage to learn the art of guitarstrumming but after knowing her, I acquired inspiration. So what do you think? Am I in love or just being starstrucked? Is this puppy love or true love? A gift from heaven or curse from hell?
Now, with her motivation, I am trying to forget her. I learned that it is really hard to let go somebody. Do you know how? Come on and teach me.
After all, I am still hoping that we, somehow, somewhere, could talk personally, just the two of us, one of these days.
Sincerely yours,
John
P. S. Last night, I dreamt that I, you and your sister were having a dinner, together with the rest of your family. We were having a great moment at that time. Please help me interpret my dream.
